I realize a certain amount of parental guilt is normal. You can’t say yes to everything all the time, you can’t always get what you want (cue the Rolling Stones song). But man, I wish I could be there for them more. I wish I could control circumstances, like working closer to home. I’d like to work part time, so I could still be there to pick up or drop off from school and they wouldn’t have to be in before AND after school daycare every day. So I have the guilt.
I think with my daughter, I didn’t fully realize what I was missing until she started school. When I had my son and was on maternity leave I could drop her off and pick her up every day. I knew the teachers better. I got to know some of the parents. I felt more engaged in her day to day. Not to say that I don’t take an interest now, but I was closer to it.
And now I’m always rushing. To get them fed, to get them dressed, ready and in the car to get to daycare, to catch the train. After school is more of the same, rush to get home to make the dinner to give the baths and then bedtime. It just feels like there’s never enough time.
I feel like we should be reading together more, going over her letters/words more. She should be proficient in all things that SK has to offer, and maybe she would be if I were there to help her. Oh, the guilt.
The little guy is growing so fast and sometimes it feels like it’s passing me by. He was a baby for what felt like a minute, now he’s running and climbing all through the house. He’s already saying more words and resembling more of a little boy than a toddler each day. I should be chasing him more, playing more and be there more. Oh, the guilt.
But I like working. I have friends there I really enjoy and care about. It’s a nice environment and I feel part of a team. It’s hard to carve out adult time on evenings or weekends with 2 kids as well, but I try to do a spin class and a hot yoga class every week. So I have the guilt.
I love my kids, but I love myself too. So I have the guilt.