I grew up fat. Overweight. Obese, whatever you want to call it. And a lot of the time (most of the time), it sucked. Judgment and comments from classmates, cousins, and parents. I once confessed my truest feelings to a boy via love letter (pre-internet, I am old). He told the popular girl (his crush) who told our entire grade. Worst part? He returned the letter and circled the reasons he didn’t like me: fat and ugly. That shit stays with you.
It’s hard to be confident and learn to love yourself anytime, especially when you’re young and especially when you don’t see anyone else who looks like you. I don’t remember ever seeing a female lead in television or movies that looked like me. Who wasn’t the lovable best friend. Who was sought by someone romantically. Who loved their plus sized body and wasn’t made to feel ashamed of it. Who was in charge and the boss, and not insulted for being a ‘fat bitch’ or some other unpleasant iteration. I could’ve used some ladies to look up to back then, someone to relate to.
And while there still isn’t as much representation of the different types of women who exist in this world on screen, I’ve been so happy to see that it is getting better. There’s been a growing number of plus sized female protagonists: Aidy Bryant in Shrill, Danielle Macdonald in Dumplin’, Mindy Kaling and Retta in basically any of their roles, and I am so here for it.
They are smart, opinionated; they call the shots and are not there for comic fodder. Their romantic interests aren’t some joke or cruel bet or whatever ridiculous storyline that often befell the ‘chubby’ girls. Attractive, nice, normal guys like them – and every time I watch them, it’s surprising. It’s still surprising how unusual it is; but a wonderful surprise.
No matter how much weight you gain or lose over the course of your life, those feelings of being the one made fun of, criticized, made to apologize, to try to physically shrink to as small as you can make yourself so that people won’t notice or comment about you – it doesn’t go away.
But as a mom now to a growing daughter, whatever her size, it gives me hope that she might see herself represented in a way I never did and feel a self-confidence that I never had. Because things like size shouldn’t define you.
cautiously optimistic 