When you were a teenager that feeling never seemed to go away: parties, dating, and friends – all of these could evoke that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling. As an adult I find there are very few things that make me nervous. Aside from walking down the aisle last year, there have been few and far between circumstances where I am consumed by nerves, that is until recently.
Over the last few weeks I have been actively job searching. My current role is contract and fixed with an end date when a co-worker on maternity leave is set to return. In attempt to be both realistic and practical, I updated my resume and set my sights on the job boards and combed them on a daily basis. That in itself is also not nerve wracking. It’s what follows.
The interviews. Out of practice for a few years is nerve wracking in itself but I also find the formality of the situation intimidating and my nerves get the best of me. My mind races, my stomach churns, all while I attempt to show none of this on the outside. I hope they won’t notice how dry my mouth is how I’m trying not to ramble, appear poised and professional while hoping this job is a good fit for me, and I’m a good fit for these potential employers. Now I admit, I’ve been on a few now and the more I get into it again, the more at east I feel – to a point. But that gnawing stomach, frazzled nerves feeling remains.
Then you wait for the phone call to find out if you’ve been accepted for the next round, given the job, or discarded all together. I always thought it was commonplace and more importantly, common courtesy for companies you’ve interviewed with to let you know either way if you got the job. But it seems that is no longer the case, most places don’t call and let you know – not a gentle e-mail, nothing. As a matter of fact, this happened to me only a few weeks ago and while I understand I might not have been a right fit for the job, where’s the respect for your applicants? Why not just let them know instead of leaving them wondering, curious as to how long they should hold out hope in hearing something?
But back to the nervous feeling, it comes back again unexpectedly, when you’ve been offered a position. I was offered one recently completely outside of the corporation I’ve worked for in the last five years and it will be a big change. I’ve made some close, wonderful friends at my current job, and when I think about not seeing them every day, it makes me sad. I know it’s for the best and that this job holds so much potential for my future, but it’s a lot of change and quite frankly, it’s freaking me out.
I keep thinking my first day of work is going to feel exactly like the first day at a new school. I won’t know a single person, nor have a single friend. I won’t know who is mean, who is nice or who to trust. I won’t get to go out to lunch with the same group I’ve been dining with the past while and they’ll go on without me, maybe even forget me.
When I think about arriving at this new place for my first day, the nervous feeling in my stomach returns and I feel like a kid again.
cautiously optimistic 